SHUT YOU GUYS PIEHOLE! I GOT 5A ONLY! STOP ASKING ME! I AM LOSING MY PRIDE!

So today every news in my country is like


"The best PMR result in the four years!"




Oh yeah, may I say, SPEAK FOR YOURSELF?


Look, it's not fair to be all grumpy and stuffs towards the others, especially when I VOW to respect people. And this is NOT respecting. But when you got something the others didn't, that's hard to tell. I just wanna tell my feelings, so I'm not gonna spare too much a feeling.No offence, okay?

I gained a new identity, you know. In my parents' mind, it's probbaly NAILED to me very long time ever since I have somekinda problem paying attention, or being highly-alert, or being extremly witty----or that I kinda bring bad luck along with a weird touch that can turn a camera into rustbucket, a DVD player into a black screen with no show, a handphone into memories, or maybe some high hopes into potato mash that taste like poop. I TRY to get them believeing that I am SOMETHING too, you know. Something that HAS REASON? And these things like exam or blah are like Whatever to me, but also the LAST possible deck on hands that THEY WOULD WANNA SEE. I mean, I try to stay away from the Adults STUPID FIELD OF VISION as far as possible, and to go dreaming landing in a world of Avatar Aang----but you STILL have PLEASE your parents, even if you HATE them. I respect how they think that result is the ONLY teacher left in the world, so I try to do something for a change.


And then the creepy feeling that whatever I do WON'T happen to be REALLY cool, or atleast PLEASING. Look, it's NOT the first time that I did't get the result I wanted, I'm not stranger with failure! So yeah, I didn't cry for JUST ALL THOSE BULLSHIT,

I cried for ANOTHER failure. Oh, and it didn't last for too long. Because I'm not stranger with failures.

But still, this take longer time than I thought to fully fart away like a wind in the stomach. Damn it, I feel like such a coward, crying for some past that happened yesterday. But when I saw how my mom looked at me like a fly that ate a poop, or like what she yelled at me yesterday "babi"(pig), THAT SUCKS. Because I HAVE to live with her for the next few days, the NEXT few years, the next few times. I HATE THAT EYES!

My mom hate me like BEFORE, and she HATE me MORE; I HATE my mom like BEFORE, and I hate her MORE too, almost LOATH.

It feels really ALONE when EVERYBODY said THANK-YOU-TO-MY-TEACHERS-AND-PARENTS and stuffs. Lucky kid. I don't like feeling lonely, or too low or someother. But then I guess I STILL got a lot who said SOMETHING to me, someone who's in the same depths as me, and then I also realize that I am literally the BEST comforter, 'cause I am NOT the best----I can comfort those who didn't get themselves all graded, and I also can comfort those who were being forgotten like me. Anyway, only when you taste failures you long for the taste of victo9ry.

I wish my new identity isn't telling me that I'm useless or something. A lot had DROPPED THEIR CRUDDY FACES when I PRETENDED like "Whatever!" when I told them I only got 5As---and 3Bs, if you must know---- and this is the awful look in my mind:

BEFORE

After
To tell the truth, it's really both stupidfied and awed. I mean, they expect a lot I guess, that's why they were earger. But if you dropped your face too fast, don't say I'm too sensitive. You CAN'T hide dissapoinment from me. I know too much about it. I know how it feels. No stranger. So I guess what that's what the world that is awfully small that it linked to your blood is awfully DISSAPOINTED about it.

And what that really bugs me is that it took me so long time to heal this. I'm usually really nimble, I heal faster than most anything. But this requires more than I thought, you know. But anyway, WHO NEEDS A PIECE OF PAPER THAT WRITES BAAAAABB? COME ON! It'S LIKE so not awesome TO GET BEATEN BY SOME WOOD TISSUE. IT'S LIKE are you a DOG? Even dogs don't think that the wood they fetch all the time is to EAT, AND YOU ACT LIKE PMR RESULT CAN BE EATEN. Like what, you wanna go participate in The Funniest Comedian in the World? Good potential!

So maybe I still wanna blast that newspaper who said that everybody is SO HELL GOOD this year, and then introducing some Smarties and stuffs, like I can introduce my best friends too. I still feel really sad that I can't get something so obviously LOW on branch when everybody could get it, but maybe that means I let someother get mine and I don't mind it. There MUST be some reason I got this misfortunate, it's probbaly because I'm TOO AWESOME to back down from anything.

Indeeed I am.

I would like to thank those who didn't throw stones at me when I could have been bump.

I would like to thank those who didn't laugh at my face when I say the word 5A. Except for you, mom.

I would like to thank those who said something that is suppose to motivate me, especially Lam who said in a text message:

"Nah, don't worry about it. Some are faggots. Remember your motto? Lyn the Special one? So live it up with your 5A.!"